2005, in the Dr. Seuss sculpture garden at the Springfield Museums, Springfield, MA. Here I am, recreating my ever popular dramatic bedtime rendition of Green Eggs and Ham. Legend has it that my grandfather went to high school with Dr. Seuss. This makes me, if I’m doing my math correctly, 26th in line for the British royal crown.

Or possibly just a guy with an apocryphal family story. One of those.